Changing the Picture of Microaggressions

Have you ever gotten a paper cut? You know—the deep kind that hurts like hell, but you can’t see it? Yes, that’s what I’m talking about. When you find yourself, in an all too familiar position, as the only or one of the only WoC in the room, your workplace experience can be significantly worse. It can feel like death by a thousand paper cuts.

While at a conference this weekend, a panel of WoC business leaders was asked, “How do you handle microaggressions?” The common response was “just let it roll off my back.” However, I know from personal experience that some days I need to do or say something. But what?

As Columbia professor Derald Sue defined it in 2007, the term “microaggression” means “brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioral, or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative racial slights and insults toward people of color.” The term was initially coined in the 1970s by psychiatrist Dr. Chester Pierce.

When I experience these everyday slights, I want to flee. I want to free myself from these experiences. Like you, I often wonder whether I should respond or just let them roll off my back. (Research tells us that always turning the other cheek affects our mental and physical health, but that’s a topic for another blog post.) So, here are a couple of tips to help you SOAR, four questions to help you decide what to do when faced with subtle insults:

• Safety: Is it safe for me to respond? If not, walk away. Self-care is important here.
• Outcome: Can I accept the insult and move on, or will I regret it?
• Argument: Will a response just result in an argument?
• Relationship: How will a comment impact the relationship (friend, colleague, manager, client)?

Microaggression = Micro intervention

What are little things we can do to respond to the little aggressions that really sting? A recent New York Times article by Hahna Yoon shares how to respond to microaggressions. I summarize how to change the PICture in three easy steps:

• Process: Share your process. I worked with a group of sales guys who frequently talked about “opening the kimono.” I would cringe every time I heard it. What I finally said was, “I used to say that, but I learned that that phrase made a client uncomfortable. In the future, let’s use “look under the blanket or car hood” or “find the secret sauce.” That was the last time I heard the “kimono” comment in meetings.
• Intent: Help your speaker realize the impact of their action: “I know you may not have realized this, but when you said ________, it was hurtful/offensive because ________. Instead, you could ________.”
• Clarification: Ask for clarity. “Can you tell me more about that?” Or “How have you come to think like that?”

Microaggressions are real, the emotions are real, and our response can be real. Use the above tips and tools to help you SOAR and change the PICture.

Here’s to selling Mastery. 

-Cherilynn

Head of Education and Growth, Sistas In Sales

Executive Coach/Managing Partner, CGI

Cherilynn Castleman, Executive Coach/Sales Trainer, has been a sales executive for 20+ years. With a natural talent for teaching and a drive to sell, Cherilynn uses her skills to coach and train other executives and sales professionals.